Annoyed

I think that I'm normally a nice, happy, optomistic person.

I am definitely not that person today.

I feel drained of kindness. I'm tired of being nice. You can only be nice so long before people start to treat you like shit.

Test 2 Overrr...!

Hi there.. I took my physiology test yesterday. I'm so glad it's OVER! I really dis-like physiology. It's one of those subjects that I have a really hard time understanding. Unless I have a kick ass teacher for a subject I don't understand... I start to despise the subject... which is exactly what is happening. It's kind of weird in vet school... because we have multiple teachers for one subject. They take turns lecturing... and everyone's style is different. So yesterday we basically had to take 2 tests for the same subject. I think I did really well on one and bad on the other.... I barely got any sleep the night before, but today I feel like a new person!! And I think (I HOPE) my cough is finally really starting to go away. I've been sick ever since I started school... I've never had a cold this long, and it's the weirdest one I've ever had! I had an awful sore throat for a little more than a week. Then I developed this annoying cough that turned into a cough cough.. then it became an annoying little cough again! It's one of those coughs where you don't have anything in your throat.. it's a very dry cough. It's kennel cough for humans!! Anyway... it's finally going away... and I can have a normal conversation without [cough] interrupting [cough] my [cough] sentences [cough] all the [cough] time.

So I've been on-call for the emergency equine team since last night at 7 pm. I really felt tethered to my pager. I didn't want to go out and do anything because I felt like I was just going to be paged away... even though that totally didn't happen at all! I could have totally gone out to drink... but that would have been pretty irresponsible I suppose... all I know is that I am going out tonight for sure!!

Nutrition Conference

Hello! I'm at a Continuing Education presentation right now at KSU. It's called 'Enhancing Patient Care with Nutrition'. Our speaker is Lisa Freeman from Tuft's University. I was kind of scared that the presentation was going to be confusing to me since I'm only a first year student, but actually she explains everything really wonderfully. There are some technicians here as well, so anyone who is somewhat familiar with veterinary medicine could understand what is going on. It's interesting for me since I got the chance to work at Advanced Critical Care & Internal Medicine (ACC&IM) in Tustin for a bit. I remember I made a TPN solution to give IV to a dog that was on a ventilator. I knew it was a nutritient solution, but now I kind of have an idea of why the doctor chose to give TPN and some of its implications. It's pretty interesting.

I've been kind of opposed to emergency and critical care after working at ACC&IM because I felt that a lot of the animals were in too poor condition to really be treated. I felt like we were just prolonging it's very soon to be inevitable death. I'm getting a better feel for why vets do some of the things that they do in emergency and critical care... I'm still kind of opposed to it, but now I at least understand a little better WHY. It was disheartening to see so many animals with feeding tubes of some sort.. and I always kind of associated it with the pain and suffering they were going through. But I see that it is actually not the case. I know I have a lot of learning to do, and I know that I need to be more open-minded about the way emergency and critical care functions. At least it's a start... =/

Things are more fast paced at school... now we're going to have a test every Friday and that's definitely going to keep me busy. I'm super tired, but I'm going to start studying for physiology tonight hopefully (my next test Friday).

All righty.. the conference is starting back up again.. so ciao!

A State of Mind

I just finished posting a bazillion pictures on Facebook. My brain and fingers and keyboard and mouse are tired! But looking at all those old pictures made me think about the past and all the awesome people I've met in my life. And all the wonderful people that I have in my life of course.

Think about all the people that you've met in your lifetime... when I think about the people I've met, I realize how good and wonderful people are. Sure, you get the oddballs and weirdos every once in a while... but even through the strangeness of those individuals, their good intentions show. It may show through their actions or an exchange of words... even if they are only moments of kindness, it's there. Even people that I've despised in my past. I know there's goodness in people even if I can't see it. That might get one to start wondering about murderers, rapists and evil-doers on all levels, and how someone might be able to measure goodness in people such as these? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure that goodness is something that can be measured. I'm not saying that these people should be free to roam and do as they please. There should certainly be action made if one chooses to harm another being. I'm simply saying that even though there are people that commit horrible acts against others, I think that goodness in them can exist. Whether it was something that was present earlier in their lives or something they are capable of only in small moments... it exists in them too.

I was watching 'A State of Mind' earlier today. It's a documentary following two young North Korean girls' lives while they are training for the Mass Games.

"Mass games are a form of performing arts or gymnastics in which large numbers of performers take part in a highly regimented performance that emphasizes group dynamics rather than individual prowess. Because of the vast scale of the performance, with often tens of thousands of performers, mass games are performed in stadiums, often accompanied by a background of card-turners occupying the seats on the opposite side from the viewers. Mass games are typically used to emphasize themes of political propaganda."

I've always imagined North Korea being this evil nation that refuses to cooperate with other countries for God knows what reasons. Americans in general, don't agree with communism. And while I can somewhat agree with the idea of communism in theory... I can't agree that it works in reality. Communism is the sort of thing that could only work if human nature wasn't involved. Being that we are humans.... that a hierarchy would always be created... that the love of power is something that becomes such a dominating force in a group... it just doesn't work. Sure, the idea of communism can seem like a good one, but unfortunately, it's people that stop it from working. This isn't to say that it's humans that mess things all up. Not at all. It's just how we function as a species. A fact that has shown to prove itself true in various occasions.

While watching one of the few documentary's on North Korea, I was truly amazed to see how the country's people responded to the Mass Games and their general. Of course any documentary can be one-sided... and it certainly can't show the entire truth to every side... but it can give you a picture... a snap shot of one or more trains of thought on a subject. Which is more than what most people can expect to learn about North Korea without being there. But seeing some of these people.. and how they embraced their communist leader and country was very eye-opening. And I see how they can't help but to believe what is fed to them. They have no TV stations that air news about the outside world to them. For those that are lucky enough to have a TV, they have a single channel that is mediated by the government showing a propognada of songs, cartoons and news that is straight from the horses' mouth. It's quite the cult of personality created by the government. It made me think about the American society and how we respond in a similar manner, just in a different way.

And even though the North Koreans hate and despise the Americans (since their government teaches them that we've caused their suffering), I see them laughing with their friends. Having dinner amongst family members. Helping each other when they need it... they show goodness to one another.

It's so funny how sometimes we all just want the same things in life, but we become so obsessed with fulfilling our own needs that we forget how intertwined we are with one another... whether we know it or not.

First Lab Practical

Herro! I'm at Radina's right now, taking a break from some last minute studying for our first lab test today. It's nice that we have our tests on a specific day and don't have any classes... so we can sleep in a bit and have the rest of the day free to relax. I didn't really sleep in because I woke up around the same time I normally do so that I could come here to study. I always do that... Save some last minute studying right before the test. It sounds crazy, but it usually relaxes me because I just make sure I go over everything. That might sound stressful to some people, but if I didn't do it, it would make me have a meltdown to not do it!

I hope that I am able to retain this information about the bones of the dog and cat.. I'm so used to cramming and studying for undergrad in a way where I would just discard the information from my memory right after the test is over. But I don't want to do that in vet school. I want to remember....! I think most of our class is pretty much ready. It's great to see so many hard working people. Last year, for their first test, their average was a 91! That's pretty amazing... although, supposedly, this is our easiest test in vet school. Not surprising I suppose...

Back to my last minute studying....

I. am. Korean!

Hi there... First test of vet school coming up this Friday! It's on the bones of the dog (and cat too I suppose). I am learning some new things on the bones, but generally it's kind of like a review since I took vertebrate zoology and anatomy at Cal Poly. By no means am I saying that it's easy! But I'm remembering the material a lot better the second time around. Our Shaft party is also this Friday night. It's basically a party that the upper class throws for the freshmen after our first test.

Last week, Michael and I went to Kathouse Lounge again for Allison's birthday celebration. We were in my car in Aggieville looking for a parking spot. We were waiting at an intersection where a lot of people were crossing, so we were just waiting for them to cross so we can continue.... Out of no where this guy looks at us and yells, "CHINESE PEOPLE!!!" then proceeds to run away. I was like.... are you serious dude? I was so annoyed after that. Mike thinks that I was too sensitive about it. But honestly? I heard that shit when I was in the 3rd grade and haven't really heard it since. Kids are brutal, I certainly know it. But hearing a grown 'supposedly' adult say that? Well, that's unacceptable to me. Mike said that it was something I should expect in a college town that doesn't have many asians, but I don't feel like I should expect that kind of immaturity from people. I don't know. Mike's definitely not as sensitive as I am... and I don't really consider myself that sensitive either. But I guess when it comes to race/ethnicity, I am sensitive about it, because I grew up with it. I see now that I shouldn't have let it ruin my time, but I was pretty irritated the whole night.

It's one of those things where he didn't say anything exactly negative either. If I had been able to confront him, he would probably just defend himself and say, "Hey- I didn't say it was BAD that I thought you were Chinese.." And it doesn't make him exactly racist either... that part irritates me too. I almost wish he just said something completely racist so that I could have said something back to him. It definitely had an air of negativity, but it wasn't completely bad. It was just rude.

Anyway...... I guess I should get to bed. But I'll leave at least with some humor!

"HEY! What make you think I am Chinese?
I am KOREAN. Do I look Chinese?"

"[confused look] Yes motherf*cker you do
look Chinese, that's why I said it!"

-Dave Chappelle 'For What It's Worth'