Something's Missing

Hi again... Got home from another day at work a couple of hours ago. Mike is doing a sleep study to see if he has sleep apnea, so he's not here tonight. It's really nice having a night to myself... just me and my thoughts. It's always so busy in my life now with work and living with Mike. On top of hanging out with friends and family... I feel like I have no time for myself to just relax and THINK. This is one of the reasons why your pets can be the greatest friends at times. They don't talk to you. They simply enjoy the presence of your company. And that's all I want sometimes.

So yesterday I didn't go to work. I wasn't feeling the best and I figured if they weren't busy it wouldn't be a big deal. It was one of those things where I could have gone to work if I really wanted to. But honestly? I was just so tired of working and that hospital for that matter that I simply wanted to burst. I've met some really awesome people at ACCIM, and I've also met some people that I'd really rather avoid. The politics of that hospital is also aggravating at times that I feel like I could simply walk out and never come back. It's hard to explain. But to sum it up, simply put, they make you stand on your head while working super hard before they trust you to do anything. I'm really glad that I'll be done with that hospital come June 10th. I wouldn't say that I regret working there however. I think it was a good experience to go through. It makes what I want a lot more clear in my mind. It helps me see what I DON'T want.

After not being at the gym for months and months, I FINALLY went to the gym last night. I worked out mostly muscles and jogged for a bit on the treadmill. I decided to run on a slight incline this time. It was so much harder than what I normally do! I can't believe that even such a little incline can make such a huge difference in your workout. It was a good session though. I'm really glad I went and hope that I will go much more once I go back down to one job. I really want to try to shape up a little before I move to Kansas.

Last week I received a very unexpected phone call. It was from an old friendship that I still think about from time to time. It created such a mixture of feelings that I wasn't sure what to think about it. It made me happy, sad and mad all at once. After we hung up, the first thing I did was just cry. In fact, just about every time I think about the friendship we had, it brings tears to my eyes. So I just force myself to not think about it. I can't help but miss the friendship we had. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life. I'm not entirely putting the blame on myself.. but I feel like I could have changed the course of things with my actions. You could probably say the same thing for the other person... but I don't want to point fingers anymore. I'm just regretful. I learned a lot from it though. And if I'm ever lucky enough to gain a friendship like that again in my lifetime, I won't let it slip away from me so easily.

Mike is a wonderful person and a wonderful boyfriend. I really couldn't ask for more. Even though our relationship is great and we have a lot of fun together, I have to say that sometimes I feel that he doesn't fully understand me. A lot of couples say that their best friends are each other. I'm not sure that I could say the same about me and Mike. I think part of the reason is that I'm so involved with my emotions and Mike isn't. He doesn't really make decisions based on his emotions, because that would be irrational and Mike isn't irrational. Me, on the other hand... I live off of my feelings. Sometimes I'm not rational and I can make a lot of mistakes. Is that really so bad? Sometimes I feel that I am unable to share my feelings and thoughts with Michael because he simply wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand because he doesn't function that way. It's bothering me a lot right now that I can't talk to Michael about my feelings. Especially when he's supposed to be the closest person to me. Maybe this would all be okay if I felt that I actually had an emotional support system in my life.. but I simply don't.

Something is definitely missing.

Thank God It's Friday

YAY! Today is the last day of work for this week... then I have the weekend off! This weekend is a very eventfully packed one. Saturday is Liz's birthday lunch at Lucille's. Then I'm going to Suey's birthday dinner in LA.. Liz and my sister have the exact same birthday, so I usually end up missing Liz's.. but since she's doing a lunch, I can make it! We'll probably take Suey out for drinks after dinner. Then, Sunday I'm eating dim sum with Ana R. (girl from work @ ACCIM), then going to Katelyn's baby shower. She and Daniel are having a baby boy! I had lunch with her and Caroline a while back and she looked like she was getting so big! I still can't believe she's pregnant sometimes. Out of all those girls... she was the last to get a boyfriend, and now she's the first to have a baby! I'm going to Bergstrom's tomorrow to buy her baby shower gift. Very exciting!

I'm also really happy because next week is my last full week at ACCIM, then I am FINALLY down to one job. I'm really looking forward to this one job thing. =) I actually called in sick yesterday because I was having bad cramps plus other issues... but I'll explain more later. I've lots to tell you, but right now I must run to work. I'm barely going to make it on time I think!

Moobee Night

Heyyylooo!

I'm a lot happier lately knowing that I'm going to go back to one job very very soon.... it gives me much peace of mind knowing that I will not be as stressed working 7 days a week. =)

I'm trying to focus more on working out and eating right. Yesterday I jogged 2 miles with Mike and Cory. My dog's endurance for running is amazing. He's only a small thing.. a 16 pounder for goodness sake, and he can run for miles and miles! Cory Pie is in such great shape and doesn't over eat. Quite the opposite of his owner.

For lunch today I ate a Morning Star chicken patty on a hamburger bun with lettuce and tomato. It's actually a soy-based veggie patty... but it actually tastes really really good! I was amazed the first time I had it and now am totally addicted. Thanks to Val for introducing me to that stuff!

Last week we had moobee night at my place... Here are some pictures from that night!


Kazu and his guitar hero-ing action.


Me and my guitar hero-ing action.


Val and me and our drink-ing action!


The moobee night crew!

We're doing moobee night tomorrow... Maybe we will actually watch a movie in full this time. ;)

Well.. I've got work waiting for me tomorrow bright and early at 6:30 am. It's been busy lately at the VCA, which is both good and bad. Must sleep... good night world!

Buddy

I'm so tired of being so tired all the time. Working 7 days a week really truly does suck. HARD! I can't wait until next month... when I will stop this madness and go back to one job. Only one more month of craziness.... I can only wait in anticipation!

Next week I'm going to watch Rent with Kirstin and another girl from work at ACCIM. I'm excited! I've heard such good things about the musical... and since I liked the movie so much, I don't see why I wouldn't love the musical even more. They are performing for 3 days next week.. May 14-15 @ The Grove of Anaheim. Since Mike isn't really into musicals, I'm glad I found people from work who are interested in going with me.

I have some sad news that I haven't written about. Buddy, our hospital dog at VCA passed away on April 30th. I came to work the next day and the first thing Linda told me was that Buddy crashed at around 2 am.... I didn't know that the bone cancer would take him so fast. He went so quickly that he didn't have to be euthanized.. so I guess it's at least somewhat comforting to know that he went quickly and without much pain. Before the night he died, he was up and about.. walking around comfortably and seemed fine... so I know that he wasn't painful for days or anything like that... I'm glad I took the time to spend some time with him before he died. He was such a good boy. Always listened to us... with the exception of food that he wanted in his tummy. It was such a sad morning that day at work. Everyone was depressed and crying. Every time I thought about Buddy's face.. the way he was so excited about getting breakfast and the way he loved to cuddle and be scratched.. I got so sad thinking about how I would never see him alive again. I hope he knew how much we all loved and cared about him.


R.I.P. Buddy.. The best hospital dog ever..

Vegas

Hello! Last weekend I went to Vegas and pretty much gambled for the first time. I mainly played Blackjack... and guess what? I won an earnings of $240 total! Isn't that awesome?! The first night, Mike gave me $60 to gamble with Sung at the Blackjack table. I was actually up $150, but then I started doing not so good.. so I was at $100. I decided to call that game over and stopped... so I won $40 total from that. The next morning, we went to The California Hotel again to gamble. The Cal is not on the strip, but Sung likes to gamble there because they always have $5 min Blackjack tables there. Plus he always goes there when he's in Vegas so they know him there. So in the morning, I put down $50 and played Blackjack again. I played for about 3 hours and when I decided to stop I was at $150, so I won $100! Then we gambled again at The Cal after dinner, so I put in another $50 and stopped again at $150, so I won another $100! I was so freaking excited and amazed. I never had so much fun gambling. Well, I'd never really gambled ever to begin with... it each time I gambled, we were at the table for about 3 hours... the time went by so fast! I think I definitely got lucky. I just kept getting fairly good hands. I wasn't putting a lot down. I mean.. for me, putting $20 down on a hand was a lot for me! I never put down more than that per set. Some people were laughing at me because I made sad faces even when I lost just $5. hehe.

Now Mike says I caught "the bug"... We're going back to Vegas at the end of June, so that should be fun... =) And I'll definitely gamble a little bit then too!

In one weird aspect, I feel OLD. Or something. I can't ever really get drunk anymore. I'm too sickened by the thought of alcohol as I'm drinking it sometimes that I feel nauseous when I drink. It's quite annoying because I'd like to be able to drink like I used to! My mind won't let me do it is the problem...

Regardless...!



My first hundred bucks winning!