Howdy. How goes it? Right now, I am wonderfully enjoying the usage of internet while sitting comfortably wrapped up in bed. This is a luxuary I don't really have in Kansas because our internet is officially retarded. Anyway. I am pretty amazingly exhausted right now.. but I felt like writing.. Something I definitely don't keep up with as much as I should. The past two nights have consisted of staying up until 3 am and waking up at 8 am, which is something that no living soul should be forced to do as I have.
Being back in California for break has actually been a lot busier than I thought it would. I've been seeing a lot of my sisters. Especially Suey. I've been commuting back and forth between her place in Culver City and my parents in Corona. Most of my time is spent getting together with old friends... something that I am making up for in my past years.
Looking back.. I've changed so much. I can't believe how much I have grown and how much I have also lessened as a person. Back in the old days... this girl put the "love of her life" above and before everything and anything. I think I was literally obsessed with finding love and keeping it. What I didn't realize is... obsessing about love ruins love. You may not see it at the time... it may even take years to realize. Perhaps even a lifetime for some. But the ultimate key to life... is balance. Balancing everything that is wonderful is this world... which includes but is not limited to only being in love. It includes friendship, education, learning, philosophy, self-worth, confidence, kindness, generosity, money, a career... at least.. this is what what emcompasses some of my list. And that list is going to vary depending on the individual and it doesn't have to be the same for everyone. It may sound funny that I included money into the mix, but I'm not talking about becoming disgustingly wealthy. I'm talking about having a balance of money. Again, too much of anything is bad. Some people think that money is something that causes a whole lot of ruckus for nothing. Which can sometimes be true. But coming from a family that has seen the eyes of bankrupcy.. you learn to appreciate it too.
What took me years to learn is that friendship is something that cannot be ignored and put aside. I am sad by the friendships that I have neglected and lost, but I am so grateful for the friends that I have now. And really. What is love without friendship and friendship without love? To me, nothing. Nothing at all. It took me a long time to see that what kept me going in being happy in life, was friendship. I was just trying to replace is with love all the time. And it made me uphappy. It made me become this monster. And I didn't know why until I came upon this realization. I've lost so much because I learned this realization too late. But hey, what can I say? It's never too late to change... It's so funny how you can never tell someone something that you've learned that is essential to life. Instead, it's something that must be experienced. Not everyone will make the same mistakes, and that makes it hard for people to forgive each other. Because they don't understand each other. But if we all have compassion in our hearts for people.. I think humankind will be okay...
I've got a lot in my head and heart. But I'm going to depart for now. Good night..
